Come And Get It!

The culinary arts can be mystical ones, indeed, with chefs and gourmands forever experimenting with new forms of cuisine designed to appeal to varied and often finicky palates. LCCC is no exception, where Chef Nicole Slaw travels to the far corners of the earth (aka, the Tom Thumb in Irving) to create a menu that is tasty, innovative and, as of late, a bit provocative.

"Out go the lights...."

Upon learning the news that our own Mr. Tee had failed his recent Mattress Dancing Stress Test, and fearing that the unexpected ineffectiveness of his pre-MDST training for Tee might damage his reputation as "The White Wilt Chamberlain", Tim Unverzagt reached out to Chef Slaw with a new idea for helping Tee get a little lead back in the old pencil, while also adding some pizazz to the menu in the 19th Hole.

"Look, just because I get to look at porn at work doesn't mean everybody can," offered Unverzagt. "However, I find that there are many ways one can obtain stimulation in the work place, sometimes without anyone else even knowing about it. That's when I got the idea to talk with Chef about adding pornbread to the menu."



"Hmmm? Hmmm?"

By applying a creative twist to some 19th Hole favorites, Chef Slaw is pleased to announce the addition of two new items, Funbag Popovers (modeled at left by Chris Weinzirl) and Mama's Johnsonberry Muffins (below right), which Unverzagt believes can help Tee subliminally focus on how to take care of business at night even while he's on the job each day.

"Oh my," gasped Unverzagt softly as he caressed a pair of fresh, buttered popovers, using his other hand to discretely adjust the front of his trousers. "If ogling these muffins all day can help Tee get his motor running again, who the hell cares how they taste? All I know is that if I spend any more time alone with these babies, I'm going to need a cigarette."

Finally, Chef Slaw reports that the hot Johnsonberry Muffins have also become quite a popular staple in the Ladies' Locker Room. "The WGA is going to put them on the menu at the awards banquet for their fall Member-Member, if you'll pardon the oxymoron. I'm doing my best to keep up with the demand."