Lights. Camera. Action!

Citing a recent ClubCorp mandate to develop new sources of revenues in advance of the company's forthcoming IPO, LCCC General Manager Ron Woolard announced that the front nine of the golf course will be closed until further notice.

 

In an exclusive off-camera interview with The Hosel Rocket, Woolard confided that he had recently signed a lucrative deal with 20th Century Fox, which will be renting the front nine to film a remake of the classic 1954 motion picture, Creature From The Black Lagoon.

 

 

"Look, my plan for reinventing Las Colinas was never intended to be just about the members. It's the ability to create special moments for our investor partners, too, and what could be more special than money?", said Woolard.  "When Steven Spielberg called to present the idea and offered $75/day to rent the front nine, how could I refuse?  Plus, anyone who wants to play 18 holes can just play the back nine twice. Now, that's what I call a win/win!!"

"IT'S ALIVE!  IT'S ALIVE!!" 

After first retaining Bob Dray as technical advisor for the film ("The guy knows the bottom of that pond like the back of his hand...", marveled Spielberg), auditions began last Saturday afternoon on the murky banks adjacent to the #8 green.

 

In a stunning turn of events, LCCC member Tim Wilson was selected for the starring role in the film after turning in a tour de force screen test ("Daniel Day Lewis has nothing on this guy," said executive producer, Clint Eastwood), with recently elected LCCC Board of Governors president Liza Slosson cast in a supporting role as the Creature's beguiling love interest ("Beautiful....yet terrifying in her own way", gasped Spielberg).

 

With production scheduled to wrap-up by April 2014, the film is scheduled to be in theatres next summer.

Make Mine a Double!

As triple-digit temperatures have arrived in the Metroplex, it's more important than ever to stay hydrated on the course. However, as beverage cart sightings have become as rare these days as the sight of Bob Dray buying a new golf shirt, one LCCC member has decided to take matters into his own hands, while at the same time providing an important service to our local community.

"Every time I'd drive down Northwest Highway, I'd see all these broken down strippers wandering around with nothing to do,and it really made me sad," said Irving resident, Tim Unverzagt.  "I thought to myself, if Chris Allen can start that foundation for those under-privileged kids, maybe I could do something to get these women off their backs...I mean, streets, while also helping to get refreshments out to me and the guys before we die in this heat."

Teaming with local inventor and fellow LCCC member, Mike Jackson, Unverzagt took a size 38-DDD brassiere that he found on his bedroom celing fan, a roll of duct tape, some old Christmas lights, and a pair of goldfish bowls to create the Jackson-Unverzagt Gatorade System (JUGS). After some simple design modifications to reduce chafing, the JUGS successfully cleared field trials last week at the Death Valley CC Member-Guest, and will make its debut at LCCC on Saturday, September 5th.

"We'll have 322 women at the club beginning on July 4th, each of whom will be wearing custom-fitted sets of JUGS filled with ice-cold Gatorade," said Unverzagt. "Bill Douglass has resigned as LCCC golf concierge in order to serve as our new JUGSmaster, where it will be his sworn duty to personally check the flanges, fittings, and flux capacitors on each set of JUGS before escorting these young ladies to their assigned holes."

While neither entrepreneur chose to disclose pricing for the new on-course beverage service, The Hosel Rocket has learned that a 501 (c-3), The La Vida Loca Foundation, was recently established by Jackson and Unverzagt to manage all proceeds associated with this new community service endeavor.

"How much does it cost? Who the hell cares?!", chortled Unverzagt. "In this heat, you'd pay just about anything for a cold drink. Now, any time you're thirsty, there's no need to wait hours for that beverage cart - all you've got to do is whistle, and before you know it, you'll have a fresh pair of JUGS in your mouth. Plus, ONE members receive complimentary admission to our Happy Ending Club, previously known as the rest rooms adjacent to #5 and #12."