Achtung, Baby! Dray Fires Back!!



RIMSTING, GERMANY (UPI) - Far as far away as Germany, the aftershocks of the December 11th  grudge match between Bob Dray and Tom Francis are still being felt, as evidenced by a recent interview that the vacationing Mr. Dray provided to Ms. Ivana Fuchs of the German daily, Deutsche Allgemeine Zeitung.

In the interests of journalistic integrity, The Hosel Rocket is pleased to publish Mr. Dray's interview in its entirety, with the German to English translation provided by our very own Mr. Tee:

The true story of the last match of the year that decided the championship between Dashing Dray and Tom the Terrier.

Dashing Dray had to give Tom the Terrier seven strokes on the front and six on the back. The match came down to the final two holes with Tom the Terrier leading by five shots, setting the stage for a typical Dashing Dray heroic comeback as Tom the Terrier had broken five of his clubs and three of Dashing Dray’s in fits of frustration.

On the 17th tee, with Tom the Terrier leading by five strokes, Dashing Dray strikes a laser like shot to the pin as Tom the Terrier snaps his shot into the water. He then asks Dashing Dray for a ball, as he did not want to walk to his bag to retrieve one of how own. Dashing Dray obliged, even though he had given a sleeve of new Titleists to Tom the Terrier earlier in the round.

On the 18th tee, Dashing Dray and Tom the Terrier strike similar drives even though Tom the Terrier is snapping at Dashing Dray’s heals as he is driving. Dashing Dray strikes another laser shot, with Tom the Terrier again snapping at Dashing Dray’s heals as he is hitting the shot. The ball strikes the lollipop in the middle of the fairway and goes into the water! Then, having previously given all of his balls to Tom the Terrier, Dashing Dray was forced to ask for a a ball from his playing partner.  Dashing Dray then drops, and lashes another laser onto the green and makes five.

Tom the Terrier then hits his next shot into the water, moves closer, chunks two more of Dashing Dray’s balls into the water, and then blades his final ball over the green, where he is now laying nine.  Having witnessed the greatest collapse since the Berlin Wall fell, and being afraid Tom the Terrier would hit him with one of his remaining clubs, Dashing Dray agreed not tell anyone if Tom the Terrier agreed to pay the five dollar bet.

He did not pay, and instead bribed the editor of The Hosel Rocket to print a fallacious story in the Hosel Rocket.  That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Dashing (Bob) Dray

In the words of Mark Twain, "there are two sides to every story, and then there's the truth". In the opinion of this editor, I don't believe we've heard the last of this story from either Bob or Tom.

Back to The Future

Ted Borek and John Ehlert - December 27, 2029. Delray Beach Golf and Shuffleboard Club.

Stop The Presses! Stop The Presses!!

Water skiing squirrels. Donald Trump's hair. Mike Huffman preparing to putt on #5 - without his putter. Yes, sometimes truth can be stranger than fiction, but the aforementioned will forever take a back seat to what transpired Saturday afternoon on the 18th hole at Las Colinas Country Club.

Playing in their final grudge match of the year, Tommy "The Tortoise" Francis and Bob "All Day" Dray strode grimly down the 18th fairway after 6 1/2 hours of play, Francis clinging to a 1-up lead, Dray clinging to his pant leg like a feisty terrier. Arriving at his ball a mere 38 minutes after walking off the tee box, the normally steady Dray proceeded to block his second shot right, where it skittered through the rough and into the water hazard. Some 50 yards up the fairway, Francis observed the ball enter the water, breathing a sigh of relief in knowing that even a four-putt on 18 might be enough to win the match.

As his disconsolate opponent traipsed down the fairway toward the hazard, Francis withdrew a ball retriever and began searching along the shoreline for Dray's wayward shot, finding several of his own balls from prior rounds (including one wedged inside a large fish), a wedge that once belonged to Tim Unverzagt, and the rusted remains of an old Vespa that bore the initials "T.W." on the handle bars. Alas, Dray's ball was nowhere to be seen, having come to rest somewhere in the depths of the murky water. It wasn't until Dray arrived at the edge of the pond did Francis hear him utter the words that would set the golf world on its collective ear:

"Tom, I'm out of golf balls. You win", said Dray, extending his hand to congratulate his victorious foe.

In a gesture of sportsmanship not seen since John Ehlert granted Ted Borek a mulligan for hailing a beverage cart girl in the middle of his back swing, Francis shook Dray's hand, and then pronounced the match a draw. Bewildered, Dray was heard to utter "well, in that case, at least let me buy you a free muffin", as the two combatants trudged up the hill arm-in-arm to the 19th Hole, knowing that history had been made that day.

"I didn't know whether to shit or go blind! Bob Dray running out of golf balls?!", gushed an incredulous Francis in his post-match interview with Jim Nance. "Why, I would have been less surprised to hear that those folks at Gillette ran out of razor blades, or that C.D. Heinen wanted a hair dryer for Christmas. But Dray out of golf balls?! I almost wet my pants!"

When asked by Nance what prompted him to make such a magnanimous gesture, Francis said "I knew Bob was leaving for vacation in Germany next week. I thought taking $5 from him might hit his travel budget hard, perhaps forcing him to leave his wife at home. I just couldn't bear to take his money."

In response, Dray was his typical stoic self. "These ponds have been pretty much fished out since the algae died, and there was no way I was going to buy a sleeve of balls just to play my final round of the year. They should be full again by the time I come back from vacation, and when they are, I'll be back."

Update: Friday Afternoon Golf




"THAT'LL BE $20....
AND I CAN'T MAKE CHANGE."

  Posted on behalf of the Golf Shop staff.

Las Colinas golf shop's Friday afternoon golf game has been a great success. Thank you to all the players, low and higher handicaps, who have come out to participate in the game.

During the winter months, we will be continuing the golf game (weather permitting) and the formats will vary. This Friday the weather forecast shows a high temperature of 69 degrees. Yes, there will be a Friday afternoon golf game with a 12:45pm SHOTGUN. Please be on the putting green no later than 12:30pm to establish the teams.

The format this week will be 4 man teams, 2 best ball net MONEY BALL (80% handicaps). Money ball? Money Ball (aka Lone Ranger, Yellow Ball) is a game for 4-person teams that puts the onus on one player per hole to come through for t! he team.

In this game, two scores per hole are added together for the team score. Here's the catch: One of those two scores must be from the player with the money ball. So on each hole, the team score will be the score of the player with the money ball, plus the lowest score of the other three players on the team. The team will be responsible for determining the order of the money ball players. For example, Player A uses it on the first hole, B on the second, C on the third, D on the fourth, then back to A on the fifth and so on.

The game is open to all skill levels (LOW, MID AND HIGH) and there will be a $20 cash entry fee that goes toward the game. The breakdown of the money will be as follows: $5 for 1st 6 holes, $5 for 2nd 6 holes and $5 for 3rd 6 holes and $5 for skins. If you wish to play, please call the golf shop or email Eric at eric.hunt@ourclub.com.

We hope you will join us this Friday afternoon for some competitive and a fun round of golf.

LCCC Golf Professional Staff

Mi-Tee Cup Preview

The 2010 Mi-Tee Cup Challenge is set for next weekend, with the festivities kicking off on Friday night at 6:30 PM with the Team Draft Party.

For complete details on the 2010 Mi-Tee Cup, including the tournament format and rules, please click here.

Tomillo Returns!

IRVING, TX (UPI) - The sense of anticipation was almost unbearable yesterday, as crowds of people lined up on O'Connor Boulevard to gain a glimpse of the motorcade speeding toward the gates of Las Colinas Country Club.  It only took moments to confirm what many had been predicting for months - Tomillo Villegas had returned.

Upon alighting from his luxury sedan, he politely declined an autograph request from Ron Woolard, and a second request from Eric Hunt to wash his car.  However, before entering the clubhouse (off limits to the media), Tomillo consented to a brief interview with Kristi Martin, the newest roving reporter for The Hosel Rocket.

"Tomillo, it's said that your proficiency with the putter is comparable to a drunken man trying to do a crossword puzzle at night on the deck of a lurching ship. Why then did you choose to abandon LCCC during the last few months when the club's greens were recovering from the effects of the summer heat?  Wouldn't a temporary green or two actually have helped your game?", probed Martin.

"Well, Kristi, it's like this. I've spent my entire life working on this putting stroke, and didn't feel that the condition of the greens were conducive to keeping me in the 46-48 putts/round range that I pride myself on.  I figured when the grass came back to life, I'd come back to Las Colinas.  Kind of like those salmon that go back to Capistrano.  No one knows why they come back - they just do!"

In a related story, Joel Edwards reports that he will have no open lesson times until April of 2011.

Change We Can Believe In? Fuggedaboutit!

This week's 2010 mid-term elections saw the Democrats lose the House of Representatives (cheer up, Dray!), hold the Senate, and return a number of governor's mansions to Republican control.  Looking ahead, there's no question that a change of draperies is in store for the Oval Office two years hence.

While the landscape for 2012 presidential candidates still appears quite muddled, a grass roots campaign is underway in New Jersey to bring a new brand of leadership to The White House, as the attached paid political advertisement depicts.  Remember, when the time comes, vote early and often!