Tiger Shoots 120.."Ingen Orsak!", Says Elin

As first reported in today's NY Daily News, Tiger Woods has admitted to romantic conquests with more than 120 women. In an exclusive interview with The Hosel Rocket, Elin Woods expressed outrage that one of her neighbors was left off his list.

"120 women over the course of our marriage? What's that piece of sh*t bragging about that for?" said the soon to be ex-Mrs. Woods. "Our neighbor, Tim Unverzagt, goes through that many women in a month. Why, here's a picture of him taken with my sister, Helga, at last weekend's Isleworth Homeowners Luau & Herring Festival. Did you know that he has four hands?! He's absolutely skitsnygg! It was his third date of the evening...er, wait a minute, maybe it was the fourth..."

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When Nature Calls...Will You Be Ready?

As the newly remodeled restrooms adjacent to #6 and #14 green near completion, golf members will again be able to answer the call of nature in comfort and convenience. Though the port-a-johns were a well-intended option during construction, many unsuspecting women opted for the less aromatic "al fresco" option, which had tragic consequences in reducing the number of our female golf members.

LCCC Drops Third Straight in TGA. Ron Washington Accepts Role as Interim Coach

LCCC proved to be a veritable ground zero yesterday, as the home team lost its third straight match in 2010 TGA League Play to the visitors from Mira Vista, 24 1/2 to 11 1/2. Coach Wenning detonated a spectacular triple-bogey on the last hole, with the ensuing mushroom cloud visible from as far away as Lampasas.

In an effort to halt the team's horrific skid, LCCC management announced that they've retained Texas Rangers skipper Ron Washington as interim coach of the team, with Washington scheduled to take the reins for next Thursday's match at Royal Oaks CC. "I know a thing or two about losing streaks, and this team has fallen faster than a greased manhole cover," said Coach Wash. "Sometimes, you just need to shake things up, and that's exactly what I intend to do, starting with that whippersnapper, Byron Barlow.

Who Let Those Dogs Out?! Team Texas Wins 2010 Dixie Cup

The boys from Team Texas (Chris Allen, Tom Francis, Nelson Henry, Gil Hollander, Les Lewis, Matt Miller, Tim Unverzagt, and Scott Wenning) took care of business on Saturday, securing a sufficient number of points in the final Singles matches to win the 2010 Dixie Cup over Team Georgia at Hilton Head Island, SC.

The weather was superb, as were most of the tracks we played, and we managed to pump a considerable amount of money into the local economy (much of which was won from our opponents on Team Georgia) without anyone on the squad being arrested (though the above picture resulted in Chris being brought in for questioning by the local chapter of the SPCA).

TEAM TEXAS ON FIRE - LEAD DIXIE CUP 11-5 AFTER DAY 2

The battle resumed today at Golden Bear Golf Club at Indigo Run. Inspired by Captain Wenning's vow that he would set himself on fire for a strong showing on Day 2, Team Texas split the morning's Four-Ball Matches 2-2, before sweeping the afternoon's Alternate Shot matches, 4-0.

Heading into tomorrow's final round, the team holds a commanding 11-5 lead over Team Georgia, and needs only 3.5 points to win the tournament. A strict 9:00 PM curfew has been enforced for the evening, with Tom Francis personally taking responsibility for making bed checks on each member of the team.

Dixie Cup Results: Day 1

Team Texas came out of the gate strong in yesterday's 2010 Dixie Cup, taking five out of eight possible points (and a nice alligator) in the first day of the tournament at Country Club of Hilton Head.

Today's second round shifts to Golden Bear Golf Club at Indigo Run with eight more points at stake in the morning and afternoon rounds.

Over The Hills (& Far Away) - San Juan, Puerto Rico

Greetings from sunny San Juan and the El Conquistador Resort, where the Atlantic meets the Caribbean, and where Hernando met Sally.

Spent yesterday on the beach at Palomino (Spanish for "give me your room number, senor, and I'll give you 5 Presidente beers for $25") Island, with Mrs. Rocket and I glowing like two Maraschino cherries as a consequence of the intense tropical sun. I'm told that more Presidente acts as an excellent medicinal treatment for sunburn, with my first treatments scheduled for around 9:30 AM this morning by the pool.

Hope all is well back home - hit 'em straight today.

LCCC SOL in TGA - Shula Breathes Sigh of Relief

The team's quest for an undefeated season in 2010 TGA League Play died in convincing fashion today at Ridglea CC in Fort Worth, where the hosts administed a 30.5 - 5.5 Foot-Joy enema to the squad from LCCC in TGA Match #5.

Reached at his home in Key Biscayne, former Miami Dolphins head coach Don Shula acknowledged satisfaction that his undefeated season with the 1972 Dolphins had withstood yet another challenge. "The boys from LCCC had a nice run, but it seemed that they looked past the match itself and focused too much on the free beer that awaited them in the 19th hole", opined Coach Shula. "Like I always said, if you're going to lose, at least lose while playing to your strengths, and these lads clearly did just that".

At 4-1, LCCC still holds down 1st place in the DFW "A" Conference of the 2010 TGA League Play Series, with our next match set for this Thursday, April 15 at Bent Tree CC in Addison.

Yes, We Have No Bananas

As the weather continues to warm here in North Texas, the trees are starting to bloom all over the golf course. The first spring bananas have started to appear in the trees adjacent to the #10 tee box, and banana boats can now be seen plying the waters of the Trinity River basin and Mandalay Canal, another sure sign of spring.

However tempting these yellow beauties may appear, please use caution when venturing into the trees for a banana, as you may experience stiff competition (so to speak) from some of the indigenous species that reside on the course and for whom bananas are a staple in their diet. The attached video depicts one such encounter.

McCallum Pulls Groin; LCCC Pulls Out Victory in TGA League Play Match #4

Despite a game time scratch by Dave "Chief Little Groin" McCallum, the home prevailed once again in today's fourth match of the 2010 TGA League Play competition, defeating the visitors from Dallas Athletic Club by a final score of 24 1/2 to 11 1/2.

Kudos to the teams of Welch/Wenning, Hessong/Haas, Robles/Borek, and Allen/Barlow for their sterling play in running LCCC's record to 4-0, keeping the team in 1st place in the DFW "A" bracket of TGA League Play. Thanks to Eric for a great job hosting the competition.

Our next match will be on Thursday, April 8 at Ridglea in Fort Worth. Please contact me if you're interested in playing.