Black Gold...Texas Tee

DALLAS, TX (AP) - As BP works to stem an environmental disaster of historic proportions in the Gulf of Mexico, one man stands ready to capitalize on decades of work.

"When I heard about this 'Top Kill' concept, I knew it was only a matter of time before my phone would start to ring", said Bob Dray, a Dallas entrepreneur. "If these guys needed to jam that broken well-head with golf balls, they were going to need a lot of them. Who else were they going to call?"

A member of Las Colinas Country Club, Dray estimates he's collected nearly 3,000,000 golf balls from the ponds that dot the pristine Irving layout, a collection he keeps in his garage sorted by year, brand, and compression. "Pro-V1's, Top-Flites, Club Specials, Flying Ladys, you name it, I've got 'em all", said Dray. "In fact, half of the garage is filled just with balls that have a peculiar marking, a round red spot about the size of a dime. It would seem illogical that all these could have come from one player, but I can come up with no other explanation. Kind of like those crop circles you see on TV."

According to BP spokesman Joe Dipschit, the company has purchased Dray's entire collection for the Top Kill effort, in a desperate attempt to stem the oil that continues to gush into the Gulf. "He drove a hard bargain. We thought $3.25/ball was a little steep, but we agreed to meet his price when he threw in 3,000 blueberry muffins that he had stored in his freezer. He wouldn't tell us where they all came from, but we figured we could use them to feed the guys working on the boat."

Everyone Into The Pool!

The arrival of Memorial Day weekend marks the opening of the LCCC pool for the summer, with Friday night's "Brew & Boil" (Beer & boiled crawfish) the first such social event of the season. Call 972.541.1141 for reservations.

Whether you're a frequent visitor to the pool or dip your toes in its refreshing waters only on occasion, there are some basic tenets of pool etiquette that all members are expected to observe, especially when answering the inevitable call of nature. Please watch the following video for more information.

Why Don't We Do It in The Road?

With apologies to The Beatles, this is just a friendly reminder that the highways and surface streets beyond the boundaries of the course (Highway 114, O'Connor Road, etc.) are considered out of bounds. In such cases, a player should replay the shot, taking penalties for stroke and distance.

For an example of how not to play a shot that leaves the reservation, consult the picture above, where Nelson Henry plays his second shot from what he thought was a waste bunker at Hilton Head National. Only when an oncoming Honda Civic interrupted his backswing did he discover the error of his ways, but he still got up and down from the median after flipping off the driver.

Down in Flames - LCCC Drops Fifth Straight in TGA

In a display that continues to evoke comparisons to the Hindenburg disaster, the squad from LCCC dropped its fifth straight match in the 2010 TGA League Play season, losing to the hosts from Royal Oaks by the narrowest of margins, 18 1/2 to 17 1/2 points.

When asked for comments on the effort put forth by his squad in their latest losing effort, LCCC interim coach Ron Washington offered the following: "I can tell you one thing - there's going to be some serious house cleaning around here before next season. I didn't sign on to be no captain of no Hindenburg, whatever that is. Oh, and another thing, those Kobe Beef Sliders served at Royal Oaks are off the hook."

The final match of the season is set for tomorrow, when the team hosts Ridglea.

Proposed Format Change

By proclamation of a straw poll of the members assembled near the putting green yesterday afternoon, the following modification to our weekly games of chance has been proposed to level the playing field when we end up with odd numbers.

Scenario: The Straggler
Common Aliases: Stragglepuss; The Boston Straggler; Bob Dray.
Example: A last-minute addition creates four (4) foursomes; one (1) fivesome.
Current Methodology:
- Number all cards 1-21.
- Draw player at random to complete each fivesome.
- Take 4 out of 5 net plus all 5 net on hole 9 & 18 to determine front/back/overall.
Proposed Methodology:
- The foursomes play 3 out of 4 net, plus all 4 on holes 9 & 18.
- The fivesome randomly numbers its players from 1-5.
- A player from one of the other groups picks a number from 1-5.
- The scores for the player selected are dropped from the game, creating a foursome.
- Each group tallies their cards using 3 out of 4 net plus all 4 on holes 9 & 18 to determine front/back/overall.

Barring any objections from a large cross-section of the group, I recommend that we install same beginning next weekend. Thanks.