Less than a week after his collapse at the 2012 Open Championship, where he bogied the last four holes to hand the tournament to Ernie Els, Adam Scott sat down with The Hosel Rocket to discuss the real story of what went wrong on Sunday at Royal Lytham & St. Anne's.
"What can I say, mate? It was the bloody flat stick that let me down," said the young Aussie. "My trusty Scotty Cameron long putter was stolen from my bag after Round 3. While I thought I was able to find an identical replacement from an on-line website, it turned out to be anything but identical."
Sure enough, after sorting through several hundred putters in his personal inventory, Francis was successful in finding an identical Cameron putter that had recently been returned on consignment from Preston Oliver, who'd apparently been using the club to stir barrels of grain alcohol punch at a series of parties near the campus of TCU.
Upon returning the putter, a contrite Mr. Oliver disclosed that the shaft of the club had been bent when it was accidentally slammed in a car door, which occurred during a pre-dawn getaway from the Chi Omega sorority house one recent morning.
As a result, the consigned Cameron now sported a three-degree closed face. Upon receiving Scott's order, Francis opted not to correct the altered club, feeling that the closed face might actually help his new client overcome a tendency to push his putts right of the hole, especially under pressure.
Depsite what he thought was a distinct odor of alcohol coming from the grips of the putter, Francis nevertheless deemed the club ready for shipment. After penning a short motivational note ("Dear Adam: Keep that head still! Yours in Golf, Tommy Awesome"), Francis boxed up the putter and sent it COD to Scott's hotel, where it arrived early on the morning of the final round. In light of Scott's stunning collapse on the inward four holes, Francis now wishes he'd gone full disclosure on the altered condition of the club.
"Hey, the guy is playing for the oldest trophy in all of golf, and he's going to have to make all sorts of putts that would normally be gimme's for me. Those four-footers can be tough, and I didn't think he needed to have all that extra information running around in his head that might cause him to lose focus. In hindsight, I guess I probably should have told him what Preston had done to the putter, or at least removed the fruit from the grip."
In the most stunning postscript to a major championship since it was learned that Tiger Woods spent the hours before his final round collapse in the 2009 PGA Championship cavorting with three IHOP waitresses at a Holiday Inn Express in Chaska, MN, a sullen Scott explained how it all slipped away from him during that final round at Royal Lytham & St. Anne's.
"Just before I teed off, I detected a strong odor of alcohol from my golf bag, but thought it was just Stevie burning off a hangover," offered Scott in reference to his caddy, Steve Williams. "I missed my putt on #1 for a bogey, and thought nothing of it, as I still had a four-shot lead."
"However, as the round went on, I guess the alcohol vapors began to make me a little unsteady, and I kept missing every putt left. By the time we got to #15, I was doing everything I could to stay steady over the ball, but obviously it didn't work."
"It wasn't until I'd completed my round that Stevie noticed that the shaft of the T-Bay putter was bent, and that there was also a lime wedge and a tiny bamboo umbrella sticking out of the top of the grip. It may have affected my stroke a bit."
The problem with his equipment discovered too late, and the coveted claret jug having slipped from his grasp, a disconsolate Scott could only offer a solemn caveat emptor to those golfers considering a purchase from T-Bay.
"Best putter in his club? If so, I'd suspect his fellow members all have Tourettes Syndrome, " lamented Scott.
As for Francis, the erstwhile entrepreneur could only shrug his shoulders and say "All sales are final. But I've got a whole aisle full of belly putters that I'd gladly sell to him on trade."
