When The Time Is Right, He'll Be Ready



"Goo One!"

For those of you who've yet to see it with your own eyes, The Hosel Rocket is pleased to confirm that our very own Mr. Tee is back on the scene at LCCC after successfully completing convalescence from his recent heart attack and surgery.

Not only has the affable fixture of our 19th Hole not lost a step, he seems to have gained a few, and has been observed zipping around the 19th Hole at a rate that would put The Roadrunner to shame. Tee reports that he's feeling great, getting stronger every day, and has only one remaining post-operative milestone to clear, his MDST (mattress dancing stress test).

According to Tee, his MDST is scheduled for August 20, where he promises there will plenty of "boom, boom boom!" in store for Mrs. Tee. Leaving nothing to chance as the big day approaches, Tee has retained the services of Tim Unverzagt (aka, "The White Wilt Chamberlain") to help him get ready to ace his MDST.

"As it's unusual for me to go more than 20 minutes without sex, imagine how this little guy feels having to wait 20 days," said the legendary Las Colinas lothario, who also serves as professor emeritus at the Austin Powers School of Swordsmanship in London.

While Unverzagt wouldn't reveal his training methods ("A good magician never reveals his secrets. Just ask that guy who says he's the best putter in our club, then watch him putt..."), he's assured Tee that come August 20th, there will be plenty of lead in his #2 pencil.

"When I'm through with him, he'll be ready to lay enough pipe to replace our entire golf course irrigation system. And, if I was Mrs. Tee, I might consider investing in good a neck brace, or perhaps a softer headboard."

Ever appreciative for the various collections taken up by our members that provided financial assistance to his family during his time out of work, Tee reports that he's gradually easing back to full-time status in the 19th Hole.  When not at work, he can be found on his new yacht on Lake Grapevine, where Unverzagt (accompanied by a crew of Hooters girls and several Barry White CD's) is conducting his pre-August 20 training sessions.

"BAMBI! MORE OYSTERS! WE NEED MORE OYSTERS!!"