"What's He Got, Rossy?" "He's Got No Shot, Kenny"

When the pin is back left, the wind is swirling, and your ass is puckered up tighter than a snare drum, selecting the right club to hit on #17 can be a most daunting proposition. As David Oliver demonstrates below, selecting the right club for one's second shot can be even more daunting, with a litany of swing thoughts that can run through one's head:

• Will the curb come into play on my follow-through, causing the ball to hit me in the nuts?
• Will the bark embedded in the dimples of the golf ball affect its flight to the hole?
• Will I be assessed for the damage I caused to the cart when I hit it with my tee shot, knocking the roof off of its moorings?
• I know one of these assholes has their camera phone out, and I'll probably see it on The Hosel Rocket.

Dray Crashes Bola. Next Stop - Hollywood!

In preparation for the upcoming 2012 La Buena Bola, The Hosel Rocket is pleased to reprint the following story from the 2010 Bola.

In the most brazen breech of etiquette seen since Dave McCallum's bowels caused an on-course rest room to burst into flames, Bob Dray successfully crashed the party at this week's La Buena Bola Member-Guest tournament.

Photographed above in the 19th hole, Mr. Dray first began to arouse suspicion when he attempted to enter the tournament Skills Challenge, and was subsequently found with a shopping bag containing three sleeves of Pro-V1 golf balls, a pair of new sunglasses, a golf shirt with tournament logo, and eight hot dogs.

"What's all the fuss about?" commented Dray. "The club said it was a member-guest event, not a member and guest. If I had known I had to bring a guest to get all this free stuff, I would have gladly done so. Though I've already eaten the hot dogs, I'll gladly return the rest of the stuff. The shirt was too big anyway, and the logo made my arm itch."

In a serendipitous turn of events, a prospective new golf member, actor Owen Wilson, was at LCCC yesterday during a brief trip home from Hollywood, and observed Dray being escorted off the property (sans shopping bag). In learning of Dray's attempt to crash The Bola, Wilson found the perfect theme for the long-awaited sequel to his blockbuster 2005 film, Wedding Crashers.

"Dude, I gotta' tell you, 'Bola Crashers' is going to be HUGE," Wilson said in an exclusive interview with The Hosel Rocket. "A movie about an old dude who has more more money than God, yet gets his kicks from crashing golf tournaments for free swag?! It's going to sell a ton of tickets, and I'm totally stoked that Bob agreed to sell us his story. We're flying him and his entourage out to Hollywood next week for screen tests, and we've already got Clint Eastwood on-board to play his stunt double. If all goes well, we intend to cast John Ehlert in the role of his golfing sidekick, kind of like a modern day Hope and Crosby duo."

Look for Bola Crashers in theatres near you during Labor Day weekend. Congratulations, Bob!

Health Officials Fear Nelsonitis Outbreak

DFW area health officials are bracing for a stronger than normal strain of Nelsonitis, an debilitating illness that affects a wide population of the Metroplex each year during the HP Byron Nelson Classic.


When asked what can be done to stop the spread of this malaise, retired US Surgeon General C. Everett Koop offered the following: "We took the brightest scientists we could find at the Centers for Disease Control, and deployed them at last year's Nelson to determine the root causes of the disease", reports Dr. Koop. "It seems that once our subjects entered the grounds of the tournament, they went straight to the Pavilion where they consumed massive quantities of beer. In turn, this precipitated some very bad choices involving car keys and women that, in many cases, had lasting repercussions."


In an effort to prevent an epidemic of Nelsonitis at this year's tournament, the CDC has prepared the following educational video. You've been warned.

Great Moments in Golf History

April 28, 2012 - Buck Stout makes a hole-in-one on the 4th hole at Las Colinas CC, and goes on to defeat Bill Crowley in the 2012 LCCC Men's Match Play Championship.

June 12, 1950 - Ben Hogan drills a 1-iron to eight feet on the 72nd hole, winning the 1950 U.S. Open at Merion Golf Club.

April 8, 2012 - Bubba Watson hooks a wedge from the woods off the 10th fairway at Augusta National Golf Club, propelling him to victory in the 2012 Masters.

April 1, 2012 - Nick Martin drains a tricky four-foot putt to save 13 (net 12) on the 18th hole of Las Colinas CC.