Stop The Presses! Stop The Presses!!

Water skiing squirrels. Donald Trump's hair. Mike Huffman preparing to putt on #5 - without his putter. Yes, sometimes truth can be stranger than fiction, but the aforementioned will forever take a back seat to what transpired Saturday afternoon on the 18th hole at Las Colinas Country Club.

Playing in their final grudge match of the year, Tommy "The Tortoise" Francis and Bob "All Day" Dray strode grimly down the 18th fairway after 6 1/2 hours of play, Francis clinging to a 1-up lead, Dray clinging to his pant leg like a feisty terrier. Arriving at his ball a mere 38 minutes after walking off the tee box, the normally steady Dray proceeded to block his second shot right, where it skittered through the rough and into the water hazard. Some 50 yards up the fairway, Francis observed the ball enter the water, breathing a sigh of relief in knowing that even a four-putt on 18 might be enough to win the match.

As his disconsolate opponent traipsed down the fairway toward the hazard, Francis withdrew a ball retriever and began searching along the shoreline for Dray's wayward shot, finding several of his own balls from prior rounds (including one wedged inside a large fish), a wedge that once belonged to Tim Unverzagt, and the rusted remains of an old Vespa that bore the initials "T.W." on the handle bars. Alas, Dray's ball was nowhere to be seen, having come to rest somewhere in the depths of the murky water. It wasn't until Dray arrived at the edge of the pond did Francis hear him utter the words that would set the golf world on its collective ear:

"Tom, I'm out of golf balls. You win", said Dray, extending his hand to congratulate his victorious foe.

In a gesture of sportsmanship not seen since John Ehlert granted Ted Borek a mulligan for hailing a beverage cart girl in the middle of his back swing, Francis shook Dray's hand, and then pronounced the match a draw. Bewildered, Dray was heard to utter "well, in that case, at least let me buy you a free muffin", as the two combatants trudged up the hill arm-in-arm to the 19th Hole, knowing that history had been made that day.

"I didn't know whether to shit or go blind! Bob Dray running out of golf balls?!", gushed an incredulous Francis in his post-match interview with Jim Nance. "Why, I would have been less surprised to hear that those folks at Gillette ran out of razor blades, or that C.D. Heinen wanted a hair dryer for Christmas. But Dray out of golf balls?! I almost wet my pants!"

When asked by Nance what prompted him to make such a magnanimous gesture, Francis said "I knew Bob was leaving for vacation in Germany next week. I thought taking $5 from him might hit his travel budget hard, perhaps forcing him to leave his wife at home. I just couldn't bear to take his money."

In response, Dray was his typical stoic self. "These ponds have been pretty much fished out since the algae died, and there was no way I was going to buy a sleeve of balls just to play my final round of the year. They should be full again by the time I come back from vacation, and when they are, I'll be back."