Muskrat Love

While the last five days of wintry weather have rendered our golf course unplayable, the recent deluge of ice and snow has been a boon for the course's muskrat population, with ever increasing families of these large rodents seen swarming the banks of the ponds on #13. As the pond's ecosystem has gradually been depleted of fish, frogs, and other staples of food for Ondrata zibethicus, Joe Wisdorf reports that these furry critters have begun foraging for food in the yards of residents off #12.

Upon encountering a particularly aggressive muskrat in his garage last Thursday morning, Todd Wilson saw opportunity where many would have seen a problem. Pulling a three-iron from his golf bag, Todd deftly dispatched the little intruder with a single blow ("first solid contact I've made with that club in two months"). In a moment of inspiration, he skinned the dead muskrat with a divot tool, affixed the pelt to the antenna of his car, and drove around University Hills for 30 minutes until it dried.

Then, using a sewing machine borrowed from Cipriano "Inspector Columbo" Robles, Todd turned the pelt into a woman's purse, which he presented to his wife, Victoria, as an early Valentine's Day gift last Friday night at Bugatti's Ristorante in Dallas.

"After all, what do you give the woman who has everything?", mused the nouveau fur trader, posing with his creation as Cip and Rick Smith nodded approvingly. "Any putz with a few bucks can buy a woman a mink, but nothing says 'I love you' more than muskrat, particularly when you've made it yourself. Plus, just wait until she sees the matching thong I made for myself. I'm saving that for Valentine's Day."